Specificity is essential to closing a gap.
Specifically I mean closing the gap between:
👉 where you are at now (current state)
👉 where you want to be (desired state)
🗣️"I will go to the gym every week" will probably turn into next week, next month, next year.
🗣️"Every Thursday at 5am I will go to the gym on Banks Street by car" is a LOT more likely to result in us taking that action.
Imagine you identify the need to 'create better boundaries with people'.
It might be true; but that's a pretty vague statement and not that actionable.
Here are Five Questions to arrive at a Specific Actionable Intent
Make it more specific by asking:
👉Who Exactly do I need to have better boundaries with?
Is it extended family Neighbors? Particular Friends?
- Which ones? What are their names?
👉What are the boundaries that I need to have?
Is it saying No? Is it speaking up about something?
If it's saying No - what about? Under what circumstances?
👉When do I need to do it?
Is it in the moment that something occurs?
Is it when I am asked to do something or to give something?
Is it after emotions have cooled and my friend is sober again?
After the first three steps, our statement which started as:
🗣️ 'create better boundaries with people'
Has turned into something more like:
🗣️"When Mary asks me if she can borrow money until payday, I will say no straight away without delaying a definite answer"
This is definitely more actionable and therefore likely to be implemented; but is it specific enough to qualify as a 'Specific Actionable Intent' that we will definitely act on?
We can make it more likely we will actually do it be drilling down even further:
👉How will I do it?
In order to give the conscious and unconscious parts of our brain a Clear Instruction of what to do in that moment it's important to be VERY specific
🗣️"I will look directly in her eyes and speak in a calm voice and say 'No, I can't spare it', I will resist the urge to defend or explain my answer. If she continues to push or question I will say 'Mary I have to go now I have given you my answer, please respect it'.
👉How will I ensure success?
Things that feel very unnatural to us are hard to do in times that feel stressful to us and so we can increase our chance of success by planning in advance.
🗣️"I will practice saying 'No' to Mary in the way I have planned every morning looking in the mirror as soon as I have brushed my teeth."
🗣️"When she asks me if she can borrow money, I will take a deep breath before answering, I will look at my ring and remember how loaning her money has hurt my children and made them go without, then I will answer her in the way I have practiced.
Add together all the 🗣️statements and you have a 'Specific Actionable Intent' that you are very likely to do as long as you actually intend to do it.
It will most likely still feel awful the first few times, but It is a very clear set of instructions for your mind.
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