Coaching hacks: Stress and Self Talk

This series explores common issues raised by people looking for coaching. Episodes so far are about dealing with stress😫more specifically techniques to reduce Internal Pressure

Internal Stress Hack #5: Helpful Self-talk

If we talked to our friends the way we sometimes talk to ourselves we wouldn’t have any friends.

We often say things to ourselves that we would never dream of saying to others, sometimes internally and sometimes even out loud.

Ever caught yourself saying “you stupid $#*%” and realizing you were saying that to yourself?

How stressful do you think it is to have a critic hurling constant abuse at us all day and night?

So how do we change something that seems to rise unbidden on its own from deep within us?

Our self-talk is an incredible window into what is going on in our subconscious mind.

1. As with many things the best way to start is by noticing.

👉Set an intention to notice self-talk and to avoid being critical of yourself for whatever you notice. It’s really important to not be critical because that will just trigger more self-condemning thoughts and create more stress.

👉Try and identify what your tendencies are;

• Do you tend to be hard on yourself for any perceived shortcomings?

• Do you tend to focus on the negative aspects and minimize the positive?

• Do you find it safer to expect the worst and not let yourself hope?

• Do you tend to think in terms of black and white without considering context?

2. Decide on helpful substitute thoughts.

👉 Just like having a fire plan for exiting a building in an emergency, having some pre-prepared helpful self-talk substitutes can help to exit the unhelpful extra pressure of being mean to ourselves.

👉With my clients we look at re-occurring self-talk like “I always mess things up” and choose replacement statements that feel comfortable to that person such as “I’m learning a lot today” or “I’m getting there by process of elimination”.

3. Get playful with it.

👉There are many different techniques for challenging or squishing unhelpful thoughts, often self-talk is generated from molehills pretending to be mountains and some of these can help to put things into perspective.

• Ask: Is it true? (often not) Is it useful? Is it helpful?

• How else could it be looked at? What is a more accurate description of how you feel about yourself?

• Use a visualization or physical movement to stop the thought in it’s tracks.

😶‍🌫️ Holding a hand up to signal yourself that you do not accept the thought.

😶‍🌫️Imagining a forcefield or impenetrable barrier and the thought hitting it.

😶‍🌫️Imagining it as a ball and throwing it away.

😶‍🌫️Have a ritual where you create a physical symbol of the thought

and flush, wash, burn or float it away.

‼️Find something positive you believe about yourself and repeat it to yourself as often as possible‼️

Episode 6 coming soon!

#stress#lifehacks#coaching